Separated? Have you digitally disconnected?

Please note that this article discusses serious issues and may be upsetting for people who have been affected. Unwanted digital access is abusive, as are many of the things it is used for – stalking, control, coercion, impersonation, theft of images or otherwise. These are criminal offences and if your ex, or anyone else for that matter, has accessed your device without your permission, we would encourage you to contact the police. The organisations mentioned below may also be of use, as well as domestic abuse helplines such as Refuge, whose 24-hour helpline can be called on 0808 2000 247.

Digitally Disconnecting 

There is an enormous number of things to sort when separating – children, pets, moving out, bills, conveyancing, telling friends/family, telling work – the list goes on. Adjusting to a new normal is not easy and there are a multitude of emotions to process as well.

Something that may be overlooked is digitally disconnecting. What does this mean? We live in the age of smart devices, most of us use our phones, laptops and tablets to stay in touch with people, to do our banking, and so on. Email is used for nearly everything and contains a huge amount of personal information. We often share access to streaming services like Netflix. This is just one of the ways that we might be ‘digitally connected’.

Can you be sure that your ex-partner does not know your passwords? Can they access your phone backups via the Cloud? Bank account logins? How about NHS logins – with access to all your medical information current, past and future. Many people after separation do not realise they are still sharing their location via apps such as ‘Find my iPhone’. 

One thing worth particular consideration is whether an ex-partner may be able to access and view confidential content such as advice obtained from a divorce lawyer. Now that the primary means of communication is email, if your ex can access your email account there is a real risk of exposing or undermining your position.

Luckily for all of us, there are many experts dedicated to helping. Some links and resources you may find helpful (there are many more available) are:

1.  Refuge Tech Safety – Refuge support victims of domestic abuse, but their ‘digital breakup tool’ is helpful for anyone after a separation. It covers different topics such as location sharing, banking apps, social media, online entertainment etc. They also have a helpline if you are struggling with this by yourself.
2.  Coalition Against Stalkerware – this organisation is dedicated to fighting against stalkerware – also known as spyware – essentially programs, apps and devices that enable someone to secretly spy on another. The site contains information videos and guides to identifying and removing stalkerware from devices.
3.  Clinic to End Tech Abuse – this charity has produced step by step guides including for Android or Apple phones, email accounts, Facebook, Whatsapp, Tiktok etc and checklists to ensure different means of access are protected.

Have you thought about how you are digitally connected to others?

If you are going through a separation, this might feel overwhelming to consider along with everything else. I recommend doing one thing at a time, keeping a list and reaching out to others for support when you need it. Counselling support can be particularly helpful. I hope that the above will provide some technical help or merely trigger you to think about this and check your devices/passwords. 

For legal advice and support we recommend speaking to a specialist divorce and family law solicitor at an early stage. Get in touch with our Family Team by calling 0330 0945 500, email family@neves.co.uk or complete our Contact Form and we'll get back to you.